How to Be an Effective Communicator

  If you were to go up to any couple and ask “what is key to a successful relationship?” more often than not they will answer with communication. Like Brother Williams said in class this week, when a couple would come to him for counseling their problems a lot of the time came down to their communication skills. The process that communication goes through originates with our own thoughts and feelings then we encode the message through the means of media. Then the receiver has to decode the message and form their own thoughts on what they meant and they’re reaction. The media in which we communicate through words 14%, our tone 35%, and non-verbal 51%. These numbers strike a chord with me personally seeing as I have a personality that is more sarcastic and context is everything. In this day and age, texting is all the rage and we just rely on our words so these numbers might be a little different in more recent years. And as for me I absolutely hate texting, because the actual message I try to convey is most likely going to get diluted along the way. My only saving grace in this technologically advanced world is the use of emojis, but to be quite frank I loath using those things as well. I much rather prefer a phone call any day over a text conversation. Seeing as that we communicate the least amount with our words and mostly with context a lot of what we say and mean gets lost in translation. So David Burns, a psychiatrist, created the 5 secrets of effective communications to ensure that our relationships  would not suffer due to our lack of communication skills. The 5 steps are categorized into three sections the spell out the acronym  E.A.R. The E stands for empathy and contents three of the steps. Number 1 is the disarming technique in which you find truth in what the other person is saying to gain some common understanding.  Number 2 is empathy of putting yourself into the other person’s shoes that is split into two subsections. First, it’s thought where you paraphrase the other person’s words. When you are able to do this it conveys the sense that you are actively listening to the conversation so much that you are able to translate into your words. Second is feeling as to when you acknowledge how the other person is feeling and recognize them. When you formally recognize their feelings it presents the opportunity to their feeling to be officially known and corrected if translated wrong. Number 3 is inquiry when you ask gentle, probing questions to learn what the other person is thinking and feeling. Through the process of asking questions it makes the other person feel like you care enough to learn more about their feelings and why they might feel that certain way. The A stands for assertiveness when you use “what if” kind of statements. These statements express feelings in a direct and tactful manner. Lastly is R that stands for respect in a stroking manner that conveys an attitude of respect. Stroking is also known as affirmation that means even during the heat of a battle you are able to present a calming, warmth, and caring feeling towards the other. You are able to act calming through your body language while at the same time gentle with your verbal language. If you are able to keep all of these steps in mind and with enough practice, compassion, and patience then you are set up to be an effective communicator.