Balance of Intimacy to Marriage

  This week’s topic in family relations was how to create a sexually healthy and happy marriage. Now, this is a difficult topic to discuss because usually there is such a taboo on talking about anything of the sexual matter in the church especially in a church environment. When we talk about this matter it most likely sticks to the lines of “sexual acts are sacred and should only happen in the bonds of marriage”. All these statements are ones I would agree with, but because we so strongly believe in abstinence before marriage it has in turn made us not even address the subject and how we should act when it comes time for us to be sexually active. To begin with a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse is not just about how pleasurable the experience is, although still very important, but also about deepening your interpersonal connection with them. Sexual acts have the ability to bond two people together like no other act and that is why we should treat it with the utmost respect it deserves. It would be self destructive to do to oneself for future relationships to form a bunch of these deep connections with multiple people who might not deserve it. It is equally as important to enter marriage with knowledge or the intent to learn about their partner’s needs and desires. More often than not, especially as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we go into marriage with not the slightest clue about our spouses hard wiring. When there is this disconnect between husband and wife with no desire to further their knowledge about the matter is just setting themselves to spiral towards miscommunication, hurt feelings, and lack of fulfillment. In this week’s reading, one of the articles stated that a couple once educated on these types of details they were better to understand and help their spouse. The women was know able to look pass the sex obsessed man facade that is present for women and see that he is in all actuality a normal, healthy man. And the man was able to understand that it takes a woman longer to warm up to orgasm and was able to create a more fulfilling experience for her. He now understood that it wasn’t that she was broken, but it simply worked differently for her than him. When you are misinformed it can lead to people believing they know everything they need to know about it. There are many sources that paint a misleading picture for viewers in media like music and films. As you learn together as a couple about what makes for a sexual healthy relationship you gain the ability to openly talk to your partner about sex. This is a vital skill for a husband and wife to have on the road to a long lasting, healthy marriage. The last thing I wanted to address is that of being selfish in the bedroom. A healthy relationship has an “other oriented” focus. You need to be aware and respectful of each other’s different needs to create a healthy experience for both. However, women are known to follow this rule to a fault. They tend to lose themselves in focus of making sure their partner’s needs are fulfilled while theirs are a second thought. But in this case women need to be selfish to make sure that they are having a pleasurable time because this will also help the experience for the man. If you are only giving in the bedroom that can lead to feelings of resentment and anger. So I hope this some tidbit of knowledge can help in making a safe, caring intimate relationship.