The Dating Game

    I don’t know about you but when I hear the word dating it creates a feeling of dread inside of me. In our culture of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, there is this atmosphere surrounding the idea of dating. Because there is a rule that our church has set saying that you should not date until you are sixteen years of age, many of the youth can not wait for their sixteenth birthday. But if this week’s class has taught me anything, it has taught me that we are approaching the dating game all wrong. There are said to be four distinct stages or steps to a relationship 1. Dating 2. Courtship 3. Engagement 4. Marriage. However, over time these steps have become more and more vague creating more a slide than distinct steps to progress from. Now, you may think that this slight change does not really make a difference, but because of this change it has made everything so much more confusing for everyone involved. Nowadays you see people hanging out more rather than going on dates or using the term completely interchangeably. It could be argued that purely hanging out is not considered dating. When you are hanging out you are with a group of people, not a single particular person, and not getting to know anybody. This would violate Elder Dallin H. Oaks’ 3 P’s of dating he discussed in a CES fireside. They include the dating being Planned, Paid for, and Paired off. These three steps directly correlate with the three roles men are supposed to fulfil stated in the Family Proclamation to the World. In the Family Proclamation men are supposed to protect, provide, and preside over their families. While during the process of dating, women also have the opportunity to practice their nurturing roles as well. Personally, when I dated this guy for six months I was able to glimpse into what the marriage life would look like for me. Of course I can talk about how we went grocery shopping together, I cooked dinner while he did the dishes, or helped him clean up his apartment like any other house wife, but it goes beyond those surface level services. I can definitely say that being in a relationship gave me the ability to open up to those around me, being a better, engaged listener, and practice going through a rough path but working through it in a caring manner. Being in a relationship has better equipped me to love those who I care about. I think it’s a really annoying saying but when it is said that an ex is just helping you prepare for your future husband, I think I am coming to terms with the reality that statement holds. However, all of this information just begs the questions of how we come to really understand and know a person. There is a thing called the Three T’s to a healthy relationship. First, togetherness is key, by doing meaningful activities together that help you better understand what kind of person they are in different situations. So that means not just sitting around watching movies all the time. Secondly, you need to talk to one another, and dig deep for that matter. Thirdly, you need to give yourself time to actually get to know someone. A 90 day grace period is said to be a good amount of time to be given to learn all the characteristics of this person and to know if this is a relationship worth keeping in the long run.